by Shayla Morag | May 10, 2018 | Change, Comfort, Emotional Intelligence, Mindfulness, Patience, Persistence, Self Care, Self-Compassion, The Red Bike Way
There are times when we feel we have just had enough. Whether it’s a bad job, a family crisis, or a horrible diet, there are times we all consider quitting. Quitting isn’t always a bad choice. We’ve been taught to believe that quitting is synonymous with failure, but some activities or relationships aren’t worth continuing. It’s important to arrive at a decision to quit or continue consciously, rather than making a reflective decision.
Avoid quitting prematurely:
1. Hit the pause button. Most poor decisions could be avoided by taking a short pause. When you’re stressed, overworked, overtired, and fed-up, rash decisions become the norm. Give yourself the time you need to make a wise decision. Allow your head to clear before you make a decision that changes your life. Most decisions can wait.
2. View the situation objectively. Try to be objective and weigh the situation carefully. Enlist the help of a friend if necessary. It can be easier to evaluate someone else’s situation accurately than your own.
3. Consider the worst-case scenario. Think long-term. Quitting is an easy choice when you only consider the short-term ramifications. You can relieve your stress almost immediately! However, what are the long-term consequences? If you quit your job, what will happen if you can’t find another one?
- Reconsider quitting if the long-term consequences are too severe. A little relief now isn’t worth long-term pain.
- Who will be impacted by your quitting? Your boss? Coworkers? Family? The members of your church softball team? Who is affected?
- What message are you sending to your children? What would you recommend to a child in a similar circumstance? Your children are always watching. Be sure to set a good example.
4. Ask yourself if a new approach is warranted. Maybe you shouldn’t quit. Maybe you need a new plan. Not getting the results you desire isn’t necessarily a sign that you should call it quits. Poor results indicate an ineffective process. Perhaps all you need is a tweak to your approach. Major accomplishments are accompanied by numerous failed attempts.
5. Ask yourself why you’re considering quitting. Is it because you don’t believe you can be successful? You don’t have the resources you require? Do you not enjoy the job, activity, or relationship in question? Are you lacking the necessary time?
- Some reasons for quitting are better than others. Quitting a second job you don’t need so you can spend more time with your children is a good reason to quit. Ending your marriage because your spouse won’t pick up his dirty socks might be a bit extreme.
- Is there another solution besides quitting?
6. Consider the times you’ve given up in the past. How do you feel about those events today? Was quitting a good idea or do you regret it? How are you likely to feel in the future about quitting in your current situation?
7. Sometimes it’s necessary to lower your head and keep going. There are times when quitting is the best choice. However, when it’s not the best choice, it’s necessary to be strong and keep going. Stick with that horrible job until you have something else lined up. Give counseling a try before quitting on another relationship.
- If your default coping mechanism is quitting, you’ll never accomplish anything.
Take a moment before making a hasty decision. Quitting isn’t to be taken lightly. Before making the decision to quit, consider the consequences, consult with a trusted friend, and consider your history. In some instances, quitting is final. Avoid creating long-term challenges to alleviate stress in the short-term. Give yourself the time you require to make a wise decision.
by Shayla Morag | May 01, 2018 | Caregiving, From My Journal, Patience, The Red Bike Way
“It’s Saturday and I woke up my Mom to give her some pills. She wondered where she was and what day it was. I explain and then I encourage her to get out of bed. It sometimes feels strange to be playing the Mom role and saying it’s time to get up now. I lay out her clothes and help her get dressed. Mom walks a few laps around the house for exercise, and then I make breakfast. In the afternoon, we go to the hair salon and then for a long drive (enjoying a chicken burger and ice cream en route). We come home and Mom helps me in the office for a few hours stuffing envelopes or counting pamphlets and is very content. She enjoys helping and being involved. Later, she is not sure who I am for a while and then realizes that I am her daughter. She doesn’t remember anything from the day but wonders when the house was sold which is now almost 7 years ago. I get her safely in bed and the light goes out.” ~ Shayla Morag
by Shayla Morag | Mar 22, 2018 | Caregiving, Handy Tips, Patience, Self Care, Support, The Red Bike Way
Being a caregiver can involve having a lot of patience. Patience is the ability to tolerate delay without frustration. Those with patience are able to remain calm and avoid impulsive action when faced with challenges. Being impatient has little to offer. The line at the store is impervious to your thoughts and emotions. If you’re stuck, you may as well enjoy yourself. Patience is beneficial to your health, happiness, relationships, and goals. Impatience is costly.
Consider these important benefits to having patience:
1. It’s easier to be happy when you’re patient. Impatient people are not experiencing positive feelings. Having patience reduces stress and anxiety. Challenging situations are more manageable when the situation can be approached with patience.
Has being impatient ever benefitted you? How do you feel when you’re impatient? Are you stressed? Happy? Uncomfortable? Are the patient people you know more or less happy than the impatient people you know?
2. Patient people are healthier. The stress that impatient people feel is hard on the mind and body. Those that feel less stress suffer from fewer medical issues. Heart conditions, ulcers, and many other health conditions are made more serious by stress. You can potentially live longer and enjoy yourself more if you’re patient.
3. You can accomplish larger goals. Big goals require time. Time requires patience. Big goals are impossible without some measure of patience. Consider how your impatience has short-circuited your success in the past.
4. Some things are outside your control and patience smooths the journey. Overcoming an illness or injury can’t be sped up by sheer will or impatience. A pregnancy requires a certain amount of time. Getting over a personal loss or tragedy takes time. Losing several pounds can’t happen overnight.
5. You’ll make better decisions. Impatient people don’t take the necessary time to make wise decisions. Impatient people are stressed, and stressed people tend to be impulsive. Patience provides the time and space to contemplate the situation and make a wise decision.
Make a list of the times when impatience has cost you. Consider your personal relationships, work, and finances. Impatience leads to poor decisions. Remind yourself of those times you’ve made your life more challenging by being impatient.
It’s possible for anyone to develop patience. Follow these steps:
1. Set short goals. For example, attempt to spend the next hour being the most patient person you’ve ever known. Avoid letting anything bother you during this period of time. Extend the time as you’re able.
2. Pause before everything you say and do. Do you want to get off the couch and raid the refrigerator? Make yourself wait 15 minutes. Are you ready to interrupt a conversation to make yourself heard? Wait until the conversation has concluded before speaking. Slow down and practice patience at every opportunity. The average day will provide plenty of practice!
3. Determine when you’re least patient. When do you find yourself unable to control yourself as well as you’d like? Focus your attention on these trouble spots. Aim for slow, steady progress. Avoid expecting perfection or making too many demands on yourself. Slow and steady wins the race.
4. Notice your thoughts when you’re impatient. What do you think about when you’re feeling impatient? Notice your thoughts and change them. You can choose to think about anything you’d like, so think about something that encourages you to be patient.
Patience is a character trait worthy of cultivation. Many confuse patience with weakness or passivity. But patience is an intelligent reaction to a situation that’s outside the realm of control. Impatience can be unhealthy, create additional challenges, and make you miserable in the process. Which do you choose?