by Shayla Morag | Mar 05, 2018 | Courage, Emotional Intelligence, Grief, Self Care, The Red Bike Way
When it comes to loss and grief, your parents may have told you something they believed to be true, but wasn’t. You may have had a single experience that led you to draw a false conclusion. Contemplate what you believe about life and yourself that might not be true. False beliefs can greatly limit your options. It could change everything if you actually knew the truth! You might think that you’re not good at sports or public speaking. You might believe that you’re not talented or that nothing you do is good enough. It’s time to show yourself that many of your beliefs are inaccurate. One of the best ways to find and eliminate false beliefs is through experimentation.
Follow this process:
1. Make a list of your limiting beliefs for which you don’t have significant proof. Significant proof is repeated personal experience. One experience doesn’t prove a thing. Even two experiences can just be a coincidence. Get some real proof.
2. Start with a limiting belief that you can test easily. Maybe you believe that you can’t make friends. This might be based on the experience of not having friends in your younger days.
3. Learn what you need to know. Do you know how to make friends? It wasn’t covered in school. You might need to purchase a book and educate yourself. Maybe your social skills are a little rusty. Perhaps you need to work on minimizing your social anxiety.
What do you need to learn or do to put yourself in the position to test your false belief fairly?
4. Practice. If you believed that you couldn’t learn to play the violin, you wouldn’t prove it to yourself by picking up a violin for the first time and giving it a whirl. It takes practice to test your belief.
Likewise, you can’t prove to yourself that you can’t make friends by just walking up to a single person and saying, “Do you want to be my friend?”
5. Practice your social skills. Get out of the house and practice interacting with others. Learn how to maintain a conversation. Learn how to be more charismatic. Learn and then practice. Then practice some more.
Engage in your interests with others. Join a yoga class or a weekly poker game.
6. Test yourself. Make the test fair.
Give yourself 30 days to make at least one friend. You don’t have to make 20 friends. The whole premise was that you can’t make any friends. One friend would prove that belief to be false. If you can make one friend, you can make two. If you can make two, you can eventually make 50.
7. Keep your expectations realistic. You’re probably not trying to prove to yourself that you’re the best in the world at something, merely that you’re competent.
For example, most people only have a few close friends. It’s not reasonable to expect that you’re going to find 10 in the next 30 days.
8. Adjust your beliefs. With the proper preparation, you’ll find that 99% of your limiting beliefs are false. Once you’ve proved yourself wrong, be willing to adjust your beliefs accordingly.
Now go tackle another one. Challenge your limiting beliefs one by one and decide whether or not they’re true. Use your own personal experience. Test your assumptions whenever you have the chance. You’re likely to discover a whole new world of skills and experiences that you enjoy.
by Shayla Morag | Mar 02, 2018 | Emotional Intelligence, Grief, Self Care, The Red Bike Way
Going through the emotions of loss and grief can lead to beating yourself up over your shortcomings and failures. Your inner critic is attempting to protect you, but like an overprotective parent, it’s causing more harm than good. Criticizing yourself only serves to make life more challenging. It also robs you of options and puts limits on your life. Your inner critic provides information, but that doesn’t mean you have to listen. Your inner critic is relentless. It’s active from the moment you wake up until you fall asleep. It’s even active in your dreams! Your inner critic won’t be contained easily. Change what your inner critic says to you and reach your full potential with these 7 ways:
1. Drown it out. Fill you mind with positive talk and imagery. Avoid giving your inner critic any room to make its opinions known to you. Keep your self-talk positive and expect the best to happen.
2. Recognize the truth. Your inner critic is just a manifestation of your fear. Its sole purpose is to stop you from harming yourself. However, it’s like a scared child. You tell yourself that you’re an idiot or that you can’t do something in order to have an excuse not to expose yourself to failure. Your inner critic is a lunatic. Consider treating it as such.
3. Empty your mind. If you need to make a phone call or finish your taxes, keep your mind empty and get started. It’s your thoughts that stop you from getting things done. Keep your mind clear and get busy. Action is the best way to keep your critic at bay.
4. It’s all a matter of moving your hands or moving your mouth. Consider every action at your disposal. They’re all a matter of either doing something or saying something. That’s all there is to life. You’re either physically doing something or talking. There’s no practical difference between calling your best friend and making a cold call. You’re dialing the phone with your hands and speaking with your mouth. How can an inner critic exist when every action you take is either moving your hands or your mouth? It’s all the same.
5. What would you tell a friend? Would you judge a friend as harshly as you judge yourself? What would you say to them in a similar situation? What would you say to your child? There’s no reason not to treat yourself just as kindly. Be a friend to yourself.
6. Say something encouraging to yourself every 10 minutes. Set a timer on your phone or computer. Get in the habit of encouraging yourself each day. After 18 hours, you will have said 108 positive things to yourself. It won’t take long to create a new habit at that pace. Criticizing yourself is a habit. Encouraging yourself is also a habit.
7. Make a list of your high points. Think about your greatest successes. It’s easy to fixate on a few bad choices, but choose to focus on your highest achievements. Make a long list and review it regularly. You’ll enhance your mood and put your critic to bed.
The inner critic in your head limits your life and your opportunities. Remember that your inner critic is no different from a child afraid of the dark. It isn’t rational. You don’t have to listen. Take control of your inner talk and lift yourself up. Speak to yourself the way you would a good friend or loved one. Turn your inner critic into your most positive supporter and you’ll live a life you enjoy.
by Shayla Morag | Feb 27, 2018 | Grief, Self Care, Stress Management, The Red Bike Way
Going through loss and grief can make us feel numb at times. Sometimes our memory can become foggy and confused. There are many components of a good memory. The health of your brain is among the most important. It’s natural for memory to decline with age, but there are many ways to slow that decline. A poor memory can be frustrating for everyone involved. Below are 10 simple steps you can take to enhance your memory at any age. Boost your memory with these simple steps:
1. Change your diet. Research suggests that omega-3 fatty acids and an anti-inflammatory diet can enhance memory. Your diet affects all aspects of your body. Alter your diet and you alter your ability to store and retrieve memories. There are several versions of anti-inflammatory diets. Experiment and see which works best for you.
2. Manage stress. Stress is hard on your body, brain, and memory. Stress has been linked to decreases in memory. Set reasonable expectations for your life. Learn how to relax and avoid stress. Ensure that you’re getting enough leisure time
3. Get enough sleep. Scientists are still confused about what happens while we sleep, but it has been established that our brains don’t work as well when we’ve been deprived of sleep. One late night on the town will prove this fact to anyone. Get enough sleep and your memory will be enhanced.
- Stick to a regular sleep schedule.
- Avoid caffeine.
- Try taking a nap for a middle of the day pick-me-up.
4. Use repetition. It’s much more effective to expose yourself to something repeatedly than to attempt to learn it in one sitting. If you’re trying to learn French vocabulary words, six 5-minute sessions will be more beneficial than one 30-minute session. The popular flash card program, Anki, uses spaced repetition to aid memory.
5. Keep your mind active. Do something each day that requires a lot of brain activity. Reading, crossword puzzles, chess, and various brain teasers are effective at keeping your mind active and sharp. Avoid relying on just a single activity. Mix it up and hit your brain from every angle.
6. Be creative. Creativity uses different parts of the brain than the more analytical functions we typically perform. Paint, draw, learn an instrument, or write. Anything requiring creativity can be useful.
7. Exercise. Moving blood through your body and brain can boost memory. Obesity can lead to blood sugar and circulatory issues. Both can impair memory. You don’t have to pretend you’re training for the Olympics, but get your heart pumping for a few minutes each day.
8. Write it down. It’s easier to remember something if you write it down, instead of just hearing or reading it.
9. Say it aloud. Use all of your senses. Say it so that you can hear it. If you write it, read it aloud, and imagine it, it will be much easier to remember. Expose yourself to the information you wish to remember in a variety of ways.
10. Maintain healthy relationships. Some memory experts believe that relationships are the key to keeping your brain healthy and active. It has been discovered that those with the busiest social lives have the slowest declines in memory.
- Spend more time with family and friends.
- Make some new friends or join a club.
Even if you believe you’ve been plagued with a poor memory, it can be enhanced. Minimizing stress, challenging your brain on a regular basis, and getting sufficient sleep are a few of the steps that can be taken to improve memory function. It’s never too late to pay attention to your memory.
by Shayla Morag | Feb 26, 2018 | Handy Tips, Self Care, The Red Bike Way
Anxiety is part of the human condition. Try to find someone that never feels anxiety. Some people are more resistant to anxiety that others, but everyone can strengthen their ability to manage anxious feelings. Developing a high level of anxiety is a skill. Lowering anxiety is a skill, too. The key to managing anxiety is to begin minimizing it as soon as possible after it hits you. The more it builds, the more challenging it is to control.
Deal with anxiety quickly and easily:
1. Break your day into small chunks. Only worry about the small amount of time in front of you. If you’re sitting in a meeting at 9:00 AM, there’s no reason to worry about how you’re going to pay the electric bill or what you’re going to have for dinner. Take the day one minute at time and keep your attention on that minute.
2. Create a mantra and use it. Have a positive and uplifting phrase you repeat to yourself. You’ll eventually start to believe it and you’ll block any negative self-talk. “I’m happy and capable of handling any situation.” “My life is filled with joy and positive energy.”
3. Exercise.The quickest way to relieve anxiety is to exercise enough to sweat. A casual walk is better than nothing, but to get the greatest benefit, it’s necessary to get your heart beating hard.
4. Make use of distractions. Distractions never solve the underlying issue, but can provide relief. Watch a movie, play cards, or do a crossword. Spend time with a close friend. Give yourself a break and put your focus elsewhere.
5. Keep going. Anxiety occurs because some part of your brain is trying to stop you from taking action. It has learned that it can control you by making you feel miserable. You can minimize the anxiety you feel by plowing ahead. Your brain will learn that making you feel anxious doesn’t work.
6. Give yourself 20 minutes to worry each day. Schedule your worry time. You’ll find yourself less inclined to worry during the other 23-plus hours of the day.
7. Change your environment. Get out of your current environment and give yourself a change of scenery. Go to the park or spend some time at the coffee shop. Spend an hour window shopping. Shake things up a bit.
8. Spend time with your pet. If you have a dog, you already know how comforting they can be. Sit on the floor and have a heart-to-heart with your favorite pet. How could you not feel better?
9. Write in a journal. Get your anxiety out of your head and down on paper. There’s something cathartic about writing when you’re stressed. Make a habit of writing about your life each day.
10. Find the right scent. The right scent can be soothing. Take a trip to the candle store and find something that makes you feel good when you smell it
11. Find a hobby that requires concentration. It could be chess, playing the piano, or knitting. It doesn’t matter what the hobby is as long as you enjoy it and it commands your complete attention. It can be a great way to spend your down time.
12. Visualize. Visualize something positive. Daydream about Maui or remember a positive experience from the past. Imagine your perfect day.
Dealing with anxiety is important. Successful people are successful due to their ability to manage anxiety successfully. When you feel worry begin to build, deal with it immediately. A high level of anxiety is very challenging to manage. Develop a list of strategies that can be implemented quickly when anxiety first appears.
by Shayla Morag | Feb 20, 2018 | Caregiving, Self Care, Sleep
If your child is waking you up at night wanting to climb under the covers with you, you could be missing out on the rest you need to handle your responsibilities at work and home. More importantly, it’s important for your child to develop the confidence to become more independent. As long as you’re prepared to withstand some fussing and crying, you can stop battling over bedtimes. Consider these suggestions for helping your child to stay in their own room so your whole family can enjoy a good night’s sleep.
Steps to Take with Your Child:
1. Provide reassurance. Fear of monsters, burglars, and other imagined dangers are often the reason why your child wants you by their side. Validate their feelings. Comfort them after a nightmare and give them a stuffed toy to hug.
2. Spend time together. Your child may also need more attention. Schedule one-on-one time during the day for baking cookies or taking an outing to the petting zoo.
3. Talk it over. Ask your child what would help them sleep in their room. If they have trouble putting it into words, try making drawings or acting out the scene with sock puppets.
4. Start early. Naturally, it’s easier if you begin the process before they can walk to your room on their own. It’s simpler to prevent the habit than to break it.
5. Train in intervals. If your son or daughter is already used to late night visits after scary movies or thunderstorms, you can still create new routines. Tell them you’ll check on them every 10 minutes if they stay in their bed. Increase the intervals over time.
6. Proceed gradually. If your child needs more persuading, there are interim steps you can use. Sit by their bed until they fall asleep or let them sleep on an air mattress on your bedroom floor temporarily.
7. Be boring. This is one of those rare occasions when you want your kids to shun your company. Limit conversation and cuddling so hanging out with you isn’t much fun anyway.
8. Add lighting. If you’re lucky, your child may just be afraid of the dark. A night light or flashlight they can control could be a quick solution.
9. Offer rewards. Going to sleep on their own is a big achievement. Give your kids praise or small treats for the nights they cooperate. Stickers and sugarless gum are good choices.
Steps to Take with Yourself:
1. Examine your motives. Be honest with yourself about the role you might be playing in the situation. Parents sometimes encourage their kids to share their bedroom, especially when they like their company or want to avoid communicating with their spouse. It may be time to bond more during the day with your child or see a counselor about your marriage.
2. Create a barrier. Do you wake up in the morning surprised to find that your child slept in your bed? Hang a bell on your bedroom door or keep it locked so you can monitor the situation more closely.
3. Be firm. Persistence pays off. If you refuse to make exceptions, you’ll be able to reclaim your bedroom faster.
4. Model good sleep habits. Once each family member is enjoying their own bed, you can help them have sweet dreams. Stick to consistent bedtimes and limit late night snacking and TV.
It’s easy to drift into bedtime habits that compromise your rest. Almost 24% of parents say their kids sleep in their beds sometimes, according to the National Sleep Foundation. However, if you’re consistent and positive, you can turn things around so you and your children sleep peacefully and apart.
by Shayla Morag | Feb 15, 2018 | Meditation, Self Care, The Red Bike Way
Finding time to meditate can hold you back from beginning your practice. Maybe you try to carve out time, but doctor appointments and business trips get in the way. ?? You can’t find a free hour to sit down. While extended meditation has its benefits, you can also boost your mindfulness with brief breaks of a few minutes or less. Try these tips for calming your mind even on your busiest days.
Brief Meditations: How to Do It!
1. Focus on your breath. Pay attention to your breath as it enters and leaves your nostrils. Follow its path up and down your body. Notice how your abdomen and chest rise and fall when you inhale and exhale deeply
2. Scan your body. Search for areas of tension. Massage your stiff shoulders or hands as you imagine your breath warming and healing them.
3. Observe your thoughts. Check out what’s on your mind without making judgements. Let your mind slow down.
4. Embrace your feelings. You can meditate when you’re feeling content or dealing with major stress. Remember that your emotions are temporary and you decide how to respond to any situation.
5. Watch closely. Lock your eyes onto a chosen object. Pick a candle with a flickering flame or a tree bough swaying in the breeze.
Chant out loud. Fill your mind with a spiritual mantra or an inspiring saying of your own. Repeat it 3 times. Reach out and touch. Many religions use beads to count prayers and maybe even avoid falling asleep. Try wearing a bracelet or holding a charm in your palm as a trigger to bring your mind back to a beautiful and wholesome state.
Brief Meditations: When to Do It!
1. Adjust your commute. Look forward to red lights. Use traffic signals and stop signs as a reminder to breathe.
2. Take a break during meetings. You can stay up to date with your mind at office meetings the same way you check on phone calls and text messages. Ask yourself how you’re feeling while you’re looking to see if a client responded to your last message.
3. Intensify your workouts. Connect with your mind as you build up your body. Meditate for a few minutes on the treadmill or at the swimming pool.
4. Connect with your partner. Make a date with your spouse. Mediate together for a few minutes each morning or before bed.
5. Bond with your kids. Mindfulness exercises can be especially beneficial for children. Make your sessions fun by keeping them short and simple. Throw in some yoga poses, singing, and visualizations that will appeal to your child’s imagination.
6. Line up. Your daily life is probably full of long lines. Next time you’re queuing up for a blockbuster movie or rushing to mail a last-minute present at the post office, remember that meditation will help you pass the time without losing your spot.
7. Skip commercials. Do you enjoy watching 30 seconds of advertising before you can watch the video you clicked on? Hit the mute button, and enjoy the silence that surrounds you.
8. Consume consciously. Do you automatically reach for a donut or a margarita after a rough day? On the other hand, maybe you try to soothe yourself with a little retail therapy. Meditation could be a healthier and less expensive response to stress.
Let go of stress and boost your concentration with a quick meditation session. While instant weight loss products are often disappointing, you can enjoy greater peace of mind in just a few minutes a day. That’s a miracle worth celebrating.
