Roughly half of marriages in North America end in divorce. Most people understand the risks that marriage brings, but no one gets married with the expectation of dealing with divorce. Divorce ranks as one of the most stressful situations anyone can go through. Dealing with a divorce is no small matter. It requires patience and stamina. There are no shortcuts.
That doesn’t mean that the process of getting over a divorce requires a decade. How long it takes is largely up to you. There is a path out of your current pain. Time is an important part of that path.
These tips will help you move on after your divorce:
1. Give yourself time before dating again. How much time you require is an individual decision. But there’s no rush. When you begin dating before you’re ready, not only are you potentially creating additional challenges for yourself, but consider your dates, too! They might be getting more than they bargained for. Take the time you need to heal.
2. Take the opportunity to make over your life. Now might be the perfect time to join a gym, start a new hobby, or travel. When you’re married, you have to accommodate the needs and wishes of another person. You can give yourself more consideration for a change.
- What would you like to change about yourself and your life?
3. Learn from your divorce. What went wrong? What did you learn? What were the good and bad qualities of your partner? What type of person would do you believe would be the best match for you? What mistakes did you make along the way?
4. A divorce is painful, but a great learning opportunity. You can have much more confidence in your next relationship if you use what you learn.
5. Forgive. You can’t truly move on until you’ve forgiven your ex-spouse. This may take time. But you’re never really free until you’re able to forgive.
6. Get the support you need. This might take the form of a friend or family member. There are also support groups for the newly divorced. Avoid the mistake of attempting to navigate your healing process alone.
7. Maintain your daily routines. This means to continue to bathe, brush your teeth, and so on each day. Continue to eat healthy meals. Go to bed at your normal time. Keep your normal social outings. It’s easy to fall into a slump and to allow the quality of your life to deteriorate. Some things will change, but many things can stay the same.
8. Avoid making your situation worse. This isn’t the time to over eat, drink excessively, or start using drugs. A rebound relationship also isn’t advised. Get your feet back on the ground and avoid doing anything that can make your challenging circumstances ever harder.
9. Get out of the house. Not only can you keep your previous social schedule, you can consider adding to it. Join a yoga class or a golf league. Create something new that you can enjoy with others. You won’t find any solutions while you’re sitting on the couch, staring out the window.
10. Share your feelings with a divorced friend. It’s important to talk to someone who has had the same experience. Confide in someone that has successfully moved on from divorce.
Divorce is stressful and unsettling. You’re certainly not alone. Give yourself time to grieve and heal. In time, your life can be even better than it was before. Use this opportunity to reinvent yourself and your life.
You’ve thrown your hands up in the air and declared that something must change. Suffer a major loss? You’re ready for a fresh start. While your current situation may be challenging, the intention of making a fresh start is a good sign. It’s much better than giving up!
What do you need to change? Is it just one area of your life or do you need a complete makeover?
You can make a fresh start in any area of your life:
1. Home. Consider giving your living arrangement a makeover. You could move to a new home or change your existing home. Move the furniture or purchase new furniture. Paint the walls a new color. Convert a spare room into a room with a purpose. It could be dedicated to music, arts and crafts, or meditation.
2. Finances. Create a budget. Work a second job. Talk to a financial advisor. Find a job with a higher salary. Address your debt. Plan for your retirement. Look at your current financial challenges and finally address them with a detailed, step-by-step plan you can stick to.
3. Social life. It’s time to say goodbye to the people in your life that drag you down and replace them with those that provide a boost to your life. Meet some new friends and try a few new social activities. Work on your dating skills and catch the partner of your dreams.
4. Health and body. Hire a personal trainer and join a gym. Find a diet that works for you. Address any health issues you might have. Visit the doctor and the dentist. Try a new sport.
5. Career. Ask for a raise or change jobs. Grab your career by the horns and learn new skills that will make a difference. Consider going back to school.
6. Belief structure. Investigate a new religion or philosophy. Learn how to meditate. Question your beliefs and find a purpose. Read a good book each month and apply what you learn.
These are just a few ideas. You can also address your current relationships, attitude, or fears. It isn’t necessary to change everything at once. In fact, addressing one area at a time will yield better results.
As a caregiver, we can sometimes feel stuck and need to look in the right place for answers. Asking yourself questions is an excellent way to find the answers you need. The right questions can be stimulating to your thought process. Ask yourself these questions and you’ll get answers that you can use.
Ask yourself the questions that matter the most:
How do I sabotage myself? We all sabotage ourselves. We talk ourselves out of things that would lead to success and happiness. We procrastinate. We compare ourselves harshly to others.
Make a list of the ways you’ve sabotaged yourself in the past. Be on the lookout for these same patterns in the future.
How can I use more of the useful knowledge and skills I already have? In today’s world, we know more than we ever have. The average person knows enough to make a million dollars, have the body of a Greek god or goddess, and marry a supermodel. Why don’t you use all the great things you already know?
Consider all the things you know about diet and exercise. Do you apply that knowledge?
How much do you know about saving and investing for the future? What can you do to brighten your financial outlook?
How much do you know about relationships? Are you taking full advantage of that information? Why not?
Imagine what your life would look like if you applied everything you already know. Most people are convinced they don’t know enough. In reality, they just don’t perform the actions that they know to be effective or avoid counterproductive actions.
Make a list of everything you do that you know you shouldn’t. Then make a list of everything you fail to do, but know that you should.
What can I control? What can I not control? We spend far too much time worrying about things that can’t be controlled. We spend too little time effectively controlling those things that are within our realm of control
Most of our childhood and early adulthood are spent trying to control the uncontrollable. Maturing is understanding what can be controlled and then figuring out the best way to control it.
What are you worrying about right now that you can’t control?
Why am I doing all of this? Most of the things we do are for others. You might think you’re going to the gym for yourself, but you might actually be going to impress others with your amazing physique.
How much are you actually doing for yourself? How many things do you do only because others are watching? Would you drive a luxury car if no one would ever know about it?
Are your goals about satisfying yourself or impressing others? Are you only trying to live up to the expectations of others?
What is most important to me? We spend too much time on frivolous activities, largely because we haven’t defined our priorities. What is most important to you?
If you could only have one career for the rest of your life, what would it be?
If you could only be with one person for the rest of your life, what characteristics would that person possess?
What are the three places you’d most like to visit?
What are the three things you’d most like to accomplish?
What are you going to make a priority in your life?
Consider the questions you ask yourself on a regular basis. In one form or another, most people are asking themselves, “How can I distract myself until…” By asking yourself more effective questions, you’ll get the answers you need to put your personal development into overdrive.
When the Power of Attorney (POA) documents are in place for your loved one, it is really wise to make several ‘validated’ copies and scan them for future use. This document becomes extremely important as the years go by. You will need to send it to government departments, insurance companies, and banking institutions so that you can act on your loved ones behalf. Without the POA on file, you will not be able to request, change, or update information. Be proactive as it will save a lot of time and frustration.